usally i write little cryptic messages that sum pages worth of words into a few sentences. and i've also noticed that i tend to write an entry and then put an etching in front of it so if someone stumbles upon the page they have to click back to get to the writing. and now i'm kind of doing the same thing..coming in behind an entry to write more honestly. i'm just not fond of writing, although i like words. maybe it's just writing about me. i'm learning anyway...

the thing is on new years eve my ex came over. that day she had broken with the woman she left me for. it was a nice, quiet evening. since then we've spent quite a lot of time together. saturday night we went out dancing with a group of people, and of course we danced together...which we had never done when we were together(we went to go dancing one night and i twisted my ankle on the dark, typically broken atlanta sidewalk on the way into the club.) it was so nice. it's really obvious to everyone. all friends are worried. after taking home a friend who had had way too much to drink, we went back to my place. we talked for a while then went to bed. i held her while she cried. wrapped my arms around her. said many nice things to her, all of which i sincerely mean. we did not have sex, although that was definitely in the air. her touch has improved, and when she ran her hand up my back i shivered. she fell asleep in my arms. it reminded me of the dream i had about a month ago. it had exactly the same feeling. so peaceful, so complete. i cried.

waking up i couldn't decide if everything was right or wrong.
she cooked breakfast, scrambled eggs with yellow squash, crimini mushrooms, red peppers, and scallions. we ate sitting on the front steps, bathed in sunlight.

we spent the day together. we were going to hike up kennesaw mountain, but everyone in atlanta was out looking for something to do on this amazingly beautiful, unseasonably warm, peaceful sunday in january. there was no available parking, and people had parked along the nearby streets. much too crowded. so i kept heading north and went to red top mountain(although i've never actually seen a mountain or a red top there, maybe it's there somewhere.) anyway it's on a lake. we sat by the lake. i held her, listened to her.

i just love her. it's as simple as that. i know she fucking wrecked my life 14 months ago.i know it took me a year to recover. i know she needs time to herself. i don't know what else to do. everything is so great when we're together. when i'm with her i feel complete.

she's my light.

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