2005-03-17 - 3:35 a.m.

open letter to m.c.

i've been thinking so much
and i know there's no decision to come to
nothing to be said or done
in fact i know if i say things it only helps push you in opposite directions, since to some degree i know you are trying to push away from me.
and so these are the things i really want to say.

i love you
and i know i can't give you that feeling of newness you desire
and i know you don't want to be tied to me
and i know that you can't understand me completely
as i can't understand you completely

i wish you could know how i feel right now, the tension in my jaw, the pain in my heart, the twisting of my stomach, the fatigue in my eyes, and the burning that lies just behind them.

the things no one else understands
the things no one else can give you
the things i wish for and no one has given
the things i want to say but the words don't exist

i don't want to seem all tragic
i just want ....
shit i don't know what i want

i guess i just want you to know.

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