2005-03-17 - 3:40 a.m.



she says it hurts to see the cold grey look in my eyes.

i wish i could curse
kick and scream
and cause a scene
until everything i felt was laid out
until there was nothing left.

but that's not how i work.
and the lingering pain in my wrist
from 16 months ago
is testament to the fact that hitting solid objects
gets you nowhere.

the thing is i don't owe her any emotion at all
and it's weird to feel this way
it's been a long time since i've needed to protect myself emotionally.

my brain keeps flashing back to the jury scene in Go Fish
all the arguments are so similar to reality
all sides speak the truth.

my heart wants to cry
my brain won't let me.

i feel cold and grey.

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